In The Middle

January 30th is one of the only two days that fall between my brother and my sister's birthdays. I remember one year when I was so upset by all the attention they were getting that I ran upstairs balling, as usual, and shut the door behind me. Auntie Jo followed me up, and told me she had something special to give me...it was my first $2 bill. I remember putting it in one of these green jewelry boxes my dad had given me. Dad always likes to keep extra boxes around because he says we can always use them to put things in. You never know when you'll need it, he says.

I walked downstairs all happy again. I didn't have to reveal my secret to happiness. I was humbling keeping my source of joy to myself, that I may be the bigger man. Just then, I watched Stephen and Lynn opening presents. Turns out they each received their own $2 bill, too.

I like to be the Auntie Jo in that story. I like to do things that make people happy like that, if even for a moment. Doing the unsuspecting random acts of kindness, or giving the silly gifts that warm up your heart, even if only for that moment. As if someone put it in the microwave for :10. It still counts.

The last few days have been quite trying, but quite wonderful and rewarding because of such depth. I got to give toothpaste to someone who didn't have any. I tricked gender roles by holding a door for a man who had no hands left after his purchase at the bakery. I got to hide behind Sendlinger Tor with Rachel as we waited for our friend Tom and attacked him with snowballs.

Relationships changed this week, as they should. I've had epiphanies this week, as any human should.

I'm very much looking forward to this semester being over. It's not because I want time to move faster and leave or something. I just need something new to keep me entertained with classes, and something new to try out again. I have gained in this last week a much more positive expectation of myself here...and I need this semester to end officially so I can try to improve.

I think there is something beautiful about second chances.

I think if you are someone who likes second chances, it's worth asking yourself why.

I think if you have asked yourself why, and you couldn't think of anything, you need to give yourself a second chance and really let it sit for a second. Or for two.