One of Those Weeks

When we discover something is missing, our initial human reaction is, "I didn't do it." No one ever wants to admit they have done something wrong. They've messed up. They don't have their act together. Well, I've done wrong, messed up, and I am just as messed up as any other. And...I had no idea.

Yesterday my wallet vanished. At this moment, I am still unclear if it has been stolen or lost. At this point I am leaning towards stolen--unfortunately. It is disturbing to me if this is the case. It actually makes me sick in the stomach and I've had that "lump" in my throat for a good 36 hours now. I feel uneasy. The subway and the JYM building were the only places I was in between "seeing it last" and realizing "I see it no longer." Normally when people bump in to me, I think they are trying to take what I have away from me. Yesterday I remember a distinct moment on the subway where I was hit and I thought, "Okay Karen, you are PARANOID."

I don't like hearing over and over that I shouldn't keep things in my backpack. People have been doing a fantastic job of making me feel like I was utterly ignorant and not thinking, as if advertising the contents of my bag. Everyone always has answers like that when they're not the victim/one at fault (TBA). The funny thing is, I have been searching for a large purse bag thing for when I go to class, because I DON'T like carrying my backpack! But, that particular day, I had to be gone from about 8:45-4:30 and not all my books were going to fit in that stupid canvas bag I pretend is a purse. I opted for the backpack.

I have been blessed with people who have taken care of things I need to assist me. I even needed to borrow a lightbulb BECAUSE MINE BURNT OUT yesterday, too! Ughhhh. Man, you really realize what it's like to be out of the light after you've been in it--I mean that two-fold. Let's see what else has happened that's been strange this week...hmmm...hot wax splashed on my face, Timo ripped my shirt yesterday when we were playing, didn't find the Kommunikation class I needed, Germans listened to techno conveniently on the night I was exhausted and had to get rest for my test the next morning (aka the day of the wallet incident). haha. I still have faith it can turn up tomorrow when I call the number for lost wallets. Yes, there is a number. If you are someone who prays, and if my wallet has simply dropped out of my bag or something, would you pray that it fell into the hands of someone who will do the "right" thing? (Funny how we all know what that is)

Not sure what else to share today. I feel extremely bad that this wallet thing has happened, because of how it affects others. You can tell I'm sad, can't you? I am. It's been a tough week. I challenge you, if you have someone to come home to, to be grateful, and to enjoy that somebody's company. I am really not looking for empathy; I'm merely proposing you see your life differently today, tonight. And if all goes well--tomorrow, too.